Aaron Rodgers, the American football guy who is famous for opposing vaccines and saying other dumb shit, made a real splash this week when he announced that he was in the process of repairing his Achilles tendon with some fairly unusual methods.
In an interview on The Pat McAfee Show on Friday, Rodgers explained that he was exploring a variety of “modalities” — including the sweet, soothing sounds of dolphins fucking.
“There’s ideas that some of the noises from the dolphins when they’re love-making, the frequency of that is actually healing to the body,” Rodgers said.
Well, there are a lot of ideas about a lot of things.
Modalities, for the unfamiliar, is one of those naturopathy/homeopathy terms meant to make nonsense seem very scientific and serious and real. Basically it just means trying a variety of expensive sugar pills and (I guess) dolphin sex noises until one of them does something to you in some way.
This doesn’t seem to be a common belief, even among the Dolphin Woo faithful. There are a lot of “dolphin healing songs” available on YouTube, but none of them actually specify that they are dolphin “love-making” noises.
Still, it’s not surprising, given the number of people who think dolphins are magic and the less supernatural fact that dolphins are known to enjoy recreational sex.
There have, in fact, been a not-insignificant number of people who have been into sex with dolphins, notably Margaret Howe Lovatt, a linguist who worked with the Godfather of Dolphin Woo himself, John C. Lilly, trying to teach dolphins how to communicate with humans. There was also another guy, Malcolm Brenner, author of the book Wet Goddess, who had a sexual relationship with a dolphin named Dolly back in the ‘70s.
However, it seems pretty messed up to listen to the sounds of dolphin sex to heal yourself in light of the fact that dolphins are notoriously vicious rapists with prehensile penises like monkey tails that they can use to drag you down to their dolphin rape caves. He could be listening to dolphin rape for all he knows.
Incidentally, dolphins are (for real) very good at quickly healing themselves and scientists are studying the way that certain proteins they produce could help humans heal as well. This is very different, of course, from thinking that listening to them banging is going to heal your Achilles tendon or do any other kind of magic to you whatsoever.
