Longtime Wonkette readers are familiar with Trump MAGA idiot Jason Miller and his sphincter-shaped mouth.
Sometimes it was about his sexytime trials and tribulations on the campaign trail for Trump. Or when he started his low-rent Twitter knockoff Gettr, which immediately became flooded with porns and spams. Or just other times he was being a gross choad in one way or another. You know the old expression about that guy: Wherever he goes, that butthole mouth of his follows.
Well now you need to know that MAYBE Gettr, the platform Miller founded, is going to start selling sperms. But not just any sperms! Bejeweled Deluxe Wilderness Edition sperms that are unvaccinated!
Rolling Stone explains that Gettr has been having “high-level deliberations” about, um, selling semen from dudes who aren’t vaxxed. It never occurred to us that any dorks in MAGA world would be unwilling to give it away for free, but hey, that’s one way to rebrand living in your moms basement and jacking off all day. “SHUT UP, I’M GOING TO WORK!”
Rolling Stone has three sources, and a fourth who’s been “briefed.” Those sources “describe serious, repeated discussions about creating the online anti-vax semen market, in which unvaccinated men would self-advertise and sell sperm to the highest bidder.”
They just can’t stop talking about becoming cum merchants.
But not just ANY cum merchants. Merchants of only the finest woven cum, untarnished by COVID-19 vaccinations.
Two of the sources say stakeholders have gone so far as to explore possible “testing requirements” to ensure specimens came from unvaccinated donors.
Can’t have anybody tainting the supply.
Some staff have also expressed skepticism internally about the feasibility of the plan, noting restrictions of semen sales in other countries and other hurdles.
Shouldn’t they start with a stall in a flea market to see if there’s interest before blowing their loads to become International Cum Merchants?
All four sources spoke on the condition of anonymity to describe these deliberations, with one adding that “it’s just so embarrassing, man.”
It’s “the most ludicrous fucking thing to come out of pro-Trump social media in a long time, and that is saying something,” another of the sources says.
Oh come on, it doesn’t have to be a competition, boys.
A version of the idea was recently floated by one of Gettr’s most prominent backers: Guo Wengui, a billionaire fugitive from the Chinese Communist Party.
Oh my fucking god. Steve Bannon’s buddy, who was just arrested. Apparently he thinks COVID-19 vaccines will cause infertility. Thus the need for a Global Cum Trade.
Guo has already pitched one business scheme based on unvaccinated sperm — including his own. “All the fellow fighters’ sperm and eggs will be put for auction on our Gettr between June 1 and June 6, 2023,” Guo said on a Feb. 22 livestream, where claimed to have amassed nearly 6,000 eggs and “millions” of sperm from unvaccinated donors. “It will be the most meaningful event of this year. We will auction off the best sperm and eggs, which of course include my sperm.”
We would be disappointed if it did not of course include his sperm.
We should note, as Rolling Stone does, that Jason Miller recently left Gettr to go fight for Donald Trump’s 2024 campaign, so who knows if he has been involved in this or anywhere near it. One person RS talked to who is “familiar with Gettr’s operations” and who is calling this the “Covid-Unvaxxed Jizz Market” plan says this is happening at Gettr because Miller and others have left.
“Gettr isn’t a serious place anymore,” says this person, who seems to be implying that it was once a serious place.
Gettr’s possible pivot to semen comes amid tough times for the platform.
This is the best news article we have ever read.
Anyway, if the online Cum Marketplace idea doesn’t work, they could always sell it door-to-door like Girl Scout Cookies and see how that goes.
Maybe Maria Bartiromo would do some commercials for it, she was blabbing about treating COVID with horse paste this morning.
Gettr done, all y’all.
OPEN THREAD.
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And once that doesn’t exist, I’m also giving things a go at the Mastodon (@evanhurst@newsie.social) and at Post!
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